10:57 p.m. Just a lil some-some I wrote a month or two ago? ENJOY :)
all i could hear her say was ‘it’s okay, it’s okay’ … the tightness in my chest loosened and i tried to catch my breath but nothing came. she grabbed my hand and wrapped her other arm around me and whispered in my ear to calm down and breathe. i felt like i was drowning in water, trying to swim to the top, to catch my breath. but instead i was not moving, just swimming in place with my arms reaching out. trying to get myself out of this situation. i kept gasping over and over. trying to push air into my lungs but i could not control my body. i could barely control my mind. i tried to relax and breathed in deeply but instead of breathing out, my chest stopped and the darkness washed over me.
10:23 p.m. I came home from school around 9:45. I feel drained. And weeeeird. Today went pretty good, I think :). Once again, I feel proud of myself, ahah. Ever since Monday, I’ve been completely freaking out (as if you didn’t notice!). But today went surprisingly well. I even got added to the geography lab class. Hopefully tomorrow goes well, too =). And then after tomorrow, we go camping on Friday! Eeeeeeep! :D I am soooo excited! I swear, I let such stupid things get me down. Gotta stay positive! Gotta stay positive, Sheila! You can do it!
9:49 a.m. Tried going back to sleep. But I just took a 10 minute nap. I woke to butterflies in my stomach and shaking hands. It freaked me out. I haven’t felt this nervous in awhile. I feel worse than usual. Gahhh, that stupid incident from Monday is getting to me. I can’t fucking relax >:[.
“If you’re angry at a loved one, hug that person. And mean it. You may not want to hug - which is all the more reason to do so. It’s hard to stay angry when someone shows they love you, and that’s precisely what happens when we hug each other.”—Walter Anderson
8:30 p.m. I am soooooooooooooo stupid. And pathetic. I can’t even blog about school -__-. I feel horrible as it is. I don’t want to remember anything. I just want to drop it. I just want to forget it. I want to move on. It happened. It’s over. Just forget it. The day is over. There’s nothing I can do about it. I will do better on Wednesday. Just take it one step at a time. One day at a time, Sheila, one day at a time … Everything will be okay. You will be okay. I’ll be able to handle it better next time.
“People have scars in all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret road maps of their personal histories. Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar, but some of them don’t. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut’s long gone, the pain still lingers.”—Random quote
“I was just looking at him and something happened. It wasn’t an explosion of emotions or the butterflies of love in my heart. It was more of a slow and subtle creeping of feelings; that finally, when there was enough of them, leaked into my heart and I noticed him differently.”—Chloe Higashida
“Many people say when you turn 18 or graduate high school, you’re officially an adult. But I, personally, do not think that alone makes you one. I think it’s more of a slow process. I think it has to do with being more responsible of yourself and your actions and learning how to do things on your own; something you have to work at every day.”—Me
“The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because it’s only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on.”—Random quote
“A hug can turn your day around; it’s like an emotional Heimlich. Someone puts their arms around you and they give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety comes shooting out of your mouth and you can breathe again.”—Random quote
“It happens to everyone as they grow up; you find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that the people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. And so you keep the memories but find yourself moving on.”—Random quote
“I found every single successful person I’ve ever spoken to had a turning point. The turning point was when they made a clear, specific unequivocal decision that they were going to achieve success. Some people make that decision at 15 and some people make it at 50, and most people never make it at all.”—
“All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself.”—Ralph Ellison, “Battle Royal” (via thresca)
1:17 p.m. -Taking a short break from cleaning my room. I’m really cleaning my room this time; not just stuffing clothes in the closet or throwing random stuff on my desk. FYI, I cleaned my desk! It is a MUST SEE. I will take a picture of it, muahahaha. K, well I’m on here because I found my graduation card from my sister annnnd I love it and I wanted to share it with .. well, who ever reads this :].
It says on the outside: "Believe in yourself- for within you is everything you’ll ever need to make your dreams come true."
It says on the inside: "Your graduation celebrates the gifts you have inside you, the talent and the promise there that everybody sees- So as you start your future, may you look to new achievements with a sense of pride and faith in your unique abilities. Congratulations.
What my sister wrote underneath: I read the words on this card and automatically thought “perfect!”. They pretty much sum everything up that I’d want to say to you on your graduation. You are brilliant. You are beautiful. You are loved and I am very proud of you! I love you, always. -Ateh
Yeah, I love my sistahh girl!<3. I miss her, too :(. Anywhooooo’s! I gotta go back to cleaning. Toodaloo!
6:36 p.m. My nose bled for almost 30 minutes? It was weird and nasty. I coughed up some blood, too. Gross. My nose hasn’t bled in awhile. I’m surprised this is the first time my nose has bled this summer. Amazing. Usually, my nose bleeds all the time when it’s summer. Whatevvva. Why am I writing about my nose bleeding?
“Communication. It’s the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words, and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say or how to ask for what we really need.”—Random quote